


our mark on the map

by divinejester (kaneki_coffee)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 15:55:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13721034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaneki_coffee/pseuds/divinejester
Summary: "It worries me more,” Caleb said softly, “that you put on some carefree facade after such an ordeal. Burying your secrets is all well and good until you are left with naught but a crowded coffin and a hollow heart.”





	our mark on the map

Caleb woke to the feeling of damp linens, the sheets cold across the bare skin of his back. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the dark, but he was able to use the faint moonlight from the open window to glance about the room. Nothing was out of place, and yet…something wasn’t right either. The space beside him, once warm, was empty.

Pushing himself upright to sit, he fought the urge to yawn as he untangled his legs from the sheets and placed his feet on the cool stone floor. He could just barely make out the faint outline of his shirt at the end of the bed, wrinkled as always, and he quickly slipped it over his head before standing.

“Fjord?” he whispered, his voice gravelly from lack of use. There was no response, but Caleb hadn’t been expecting one. Still, the silence of the room was deafening.

An uneasiness settled upon his shoulders and he couldn’t help but shiver. He snapped his fingers, summoning his familiar to replace the weight of his discomfort. Almost immediately, he heard Frumpkin’s soothing purr in his ear, a welcome companion in the lonely room.

Caleb raised his hand to give his familiar a friendly pat in greeting. “Where could he have gone?” he mused aloud, talking to himself. Frumpkin didn’t seem to mind, and his purrs increased in volume as Caleb’s fingers wandered to scratch below his ear.

Smiling to himself, Caleb shuffled across the room to the open window and pulled back the curtain. The sky was dark, and he estimated by the moon’s slow descent that it wouldn’t be morning for another few hours. No one in their right mind was awake at this time of night, yet Caleb had no plans of going back to bed. He tugged on his boots and quietly slipped out of the room, heading towards the first level of the building where he had last seen his friends.

The inn was nothing to write home about – not that Caleb had much of a home in the first place now. Perhaps the phrase was unfit for his use in that regard, but it served his purpose. The intent was the same. One tavern had slowly begun bleeding into the next, over and over until Caleb struggled to recall any differences at all. They were all the same, simply a resting spot on the long journey ahead. This particular inn was smaller than the others, perhaps older as well. But by the end of the day, Caleb knew he wouldn’t remember it any better than the others. He’d simply replace the memory of the place with better, more important things.

Frumpkin chirruped, breaking Caleb from his train of thought abruptly. Whether by their mental connection or simply by his own cleverness, his familiar was always aware when Caleb was no longer paying attention to his surroundings. He might’ve otherwise missed the huddled form of Fjord at the bottom of the staircase.

“Fjord?” Caleb asked, cautiously. He slowed his steps, descending the stairs gradually so as not to alarm him. He didn’t know if his presence was wanted, considering the fact that he had woken up alone. With only the softest twinge of regret, he snapped his fingers and willed Frumpkin away – allergies should be the last of Fjord’s concerns.

Despite his worries, Fjord didn’t seem to hear. He had a fist pressed to his temple as if in deep thought, or maybe pain, and Caleb noticed his shoulders shaking with each paced exhale. Was he upset?

Suddenly, Caleb recalled the soaked sheets of the bed, and everything clicked into place. Gods, he was such an idiot.

“Hey,” Caleb said softly, crouching beside Fjord. He raised a hesitant hand, unsure of how to comfort him before deciding to simply squeeze Fjord’s shoulder. “Are you alright…? How do you feel?”

Fjord looked up then, noticing Caleb for the first time. He looked surprised, and maybe it was wishful thinking to believe there was relief mixed in that gaze. “Caleb! Did I – did I wake you?”

Caleb offered him a small smile and a quiet, “I wish you had. I’d like to be of help, if you’d have me. You don’t have to work through these things alone, you know.”

“I wasn’t,” Fjord promised, offering his own reassuring smile, although it failed to alleviate Caleb’s worries. “Just… needed to clear my head. The rooms here get so gods-damned stuffy.”

“That’s understandable,” Caleb agreed, settling to sit on the creaky step above him so they were at eye-level. “The summer months are always warm, especially for these small towns trapped in the valley.” As he spoke, he carefully allowed his hand to wander and rub Fjord’s back in a consoling manner. The entire back of Fjord’s shirt was wet, as Caleb had expected, but he didn’t bring it up. He knew better than to press too hard. If he wanted to talk about it, then Caleb would be there to listen.

Sighing, Fjord leaned closer into Caleb’s side, propping himself lightly against his thigh. “True, that. It’s nights like these when I miss home.”

“The coast?” Caleb asked, pointedly not mentioning the ocean, as was his first thought. He knew that Fjord had been a sailor, but it would be in poor taste to bring up such a thing after Fjord had thrown up half a stomach’s worth of sea water. He didn’t seem to want to remember it either, preferring the casual conversation.

“Close enough,” Fjord said, sighing again nostalgically. “I miss the breeze, the smell of salt in the air. Gods, if I’m being honest with you, I just miss the water. Did y’know we haven’t had rain in three week’s time? Not even a light spring shower. By this point, I’d even take that.”

Caleb’s hand stilled to rest on the shoulder opposite to him, wrapping Fjord in a rather loose, casual embrace. “You could go, you know.”

“...Could what? Sorry, I don’t follow.” Fjord didn’t sound annoyed, simply curious. He had always been understanding, and seemed to recognize the fact that Caleb didn’t always remember that not everyone could peer into his thoughts.

“You could go back to the coast. It’d be a bit of a trek, but you could always visit it again if it means that much to you. You sound homesick. ”

Fjord chuckled quietly, leaning his head back and raising his own hand to play with the disheveled bangs that fell in front of Caleb’s eyes. He hadn’t taken the time to brush it out before exiting the room, and he knew that it would be more of a tangled mess than it felt. But Fjord didn’t seem to mind. If anything, his slitted yellow eyes betrayed the enjoyment he took in running his fingers through the dark curls and tangles.

“No,” he finally replied, “my place is here. I decided that some time ago.”

Caleb couldn’t help but smile in response. “And if I were to go with you?”

“Why, I’d be flattered, of course,” Fjord teased gently, knowing it would bring a blush to Caleb’s cheeks. “But it simply isn’t necessary, Caleb. It’s sweet, but I’m not homesick. Not really. Some nights are just better for remembering, that’s all. Even the bad memories.”

“You’re right, of course you’re right, but…I wish you didn’t carry this burden alone.”

Fjord folded his finger and tapped Caleb’s chin with his knuckle playfully, saying, “Hey now, darling, buck up. I’m not planning on adding any more scars to my collection. There’s no need to worry.”

“Easier said than done, my love. It worries me more,” Caleb said softly, “that you put on some carefree facade after such an ordeal. Burying your secrets is all well and good until you are left with naught but a crowded coffin and a hollow heart.”

He could see Fjord absorb his words, his smile slowly shifting into a look of concern. “Caleb…,” he said, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find words of his own.

Caleb cut him off, leaning over and pressing his forehead against Fjord’s own, which was still resting against his leg. He closed his eyes, wanting only to feel Fjord’s presence beside him, savoring it.

It had always meant safety, comfort. He didn’t know how to get across how scared he was of losing him, of not being able to return such a shelter. How was he supposed to defend Fjord against an unknown entity that appeared only in dreams?

How was he supposed to sleep with the knowledge that Fjord might drown in his arms?

He grit his teeth and exhaled, letting the heavy air of a sigh filter out with a soft hiss. “I’m not asking you to share anything that you do not wish,” he began hesitantly. “But I want – I _need_ you to know that there is nothing about yourself that you need to hide, from any of us.

“There are…few things in this world that I care about, and all of these things can be found within the walls of this backwater tavern. When I thought the world was against me, somehow Nott crawled her way into my heart and made herself at home, and I began to learn what love truly meant. Then our ragtag group of misfits joined, and slowly I learned that secrets are best kept with your friends. Then I began to meet you, and…Fjord, I can’t begin to describe my feelings for you now. I’ve learned so much from you, I’ve grown so much with you, I – I can’t stand the thought of you upset. Of losing you in your sleep because of your cursed sword. Please, Fjord. Don’t hide your pain behind a smile and playful words.”

Caleb could feel Fjord shifting beneath him, and he pulled his forehead back, opening his eyes to watch cautiously. But Fjord only turned to face him, balancing on his knees at the stairwell’s bottom step so he could look down at the shorter wizard.

He gathered Caleb’s face in his hands, gently positioning a hand on either cheek as if he were afraid to break him. “Darling, please, no. I was upset, I’ll give you that. But I did not, by any means, receive a visit from my watery patron of magic. It was only a nightmare, I swear.” Fjord ran a thumb over Caleb’s cheekbone, offering a calming smile. His smiles were always soft, always warmed Caleb up to his very core.

“I had a dream that I lost you,” he admitted in a quiet murmur. “I woke up in a cold sweat, and I needed to find somewhere to calm down. But when you came to find me…well, I admit, it made me feel better. There is no hiding from you, Caleb, ever. I trust you. I love you.”

Caleb didn’t pull away, despite the blush that had begun to rise to his cheeks. He raised his arms to wrap around Fjord’s wide chest, pulling him closer into a tight embrace on the staircase. He rested his head just short of Fjord’s shoulder, and Caleb could hear the beat of his heart – steady, gentle.

Of course he wasn’t hiding anything. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Caleb felt like more of an idiot for assuming that Fjord would do such a thing, but he didn’t allow himself to focus on that. His anxieties sometimes got the best of him, but he wouldn’t allow them to ruin the moment.

Here, holding Fjord in his arms, Caleb knew in his heart that although he might not remember the name of the inn in a few weeks’ time, he wouldn’t forget the place. It was too important for that.

**Author's Note:**

> I was SOMEHOW so inspired by the "everybody lick Fjord" scene of all things that I ignored three midterms and wrote my first CR fanfic instead. I still don't have regrets.
> 
> tumblr: otooru


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